Reasons My Life is More Bizarre Than Yours, Nos. 32, 58

Reason No. 32.

Cheesey Sex Novels. A series of them have inexplicably shown up in the break room at work. No one knows where they came from. Jeff is suggesting the Janitor. But if she was going to be leaving old reading material laying around, it would probably be old copies of Dirt Devil manuals.

In any event, several of these books have shown up, each part of a series that chronicles several Native American Indians with large libidos and insatiable desires for timid white women. The covers are tastefully adorned with sterotypical Indians: shirtless, wearing full indian head dress, and shooting a bow and arrow.

What makes them so enticing and popular amongst my fellow coworkers is the particular choice of sexual terms and euphamisis they choose to use.

I must admit that I've been around my share of people with their own share of sexual vulgarity. But I've never heard anyone reference a woman's "pulsating cleft" or one's "moist channel" or either being "filled magnificently with one thrust" for that matter.

The writing reminds me of one of those horrendously delightful episodes of The Match Game, with Jeff and Jess playing the parts of Richard Dawson and Brett Somers, respectively.


Reason No. 58.

On the plus side, Youtube.com is the greatest invention of all time, on which I watched 'Rescue from Gilligan's Island.' On the minus side, I just spent ninety minutes on a Friday night watching 'Rescue from Gilligan's Island.'