message bored culture

The sort of people you find on just about any sports message board throw me for a loop. They can be as snotty and ignorant as anyone at your local yacht club or high school hall way. If you haven’t made your third disection of the Cowboys defensive end depth chart of the week or your post count hasn’t reached numbers rivaling Pete Rose’s hit totals, you may find yourself ostracized from the in crowd.

Maybe it’s that the people who reak havok on the message boards never made it past high school football, or that they crave a job in the sports world, but never made it in either. I think it's funny that people would think so highly of themselves based on their productivity on a message board. I won’t lie, I think it would be great to be a sports writer or work in the sports field in some capacity. But I never saw the message boards as a way to get your foot in the door. Even if it was, most of the people that live on those boards are not willing to allow new people to participate in the conversation.

At the Sons of Sam Horn site, a gathering place for Red Sox fans, you can’t even join the main message board until you prove yourself on the "junior" or "minor league" board or whatever they are calling in these days. I gave it a try on the junior board last year. I made a few posts but then I realized that didn’t have the time or desire to prove to the moderators that my Red Sox aptitude was up to their lofty standards. I was just looking for a Sox-themed board where I could enjoy reading about the team, maybe strike up a few chats, and hopefully get some information out of Boston, since I live all the way down in Pennsylvania. But, as it is at most boards, it’s not about discussing the Red Sox or having fun, it’s about taking yourself much too seriously.

At the Sons of the Sports Guy Bill Simmons "tribute" board they do not take kindly to new faces either. They actually have classifications for new people to the board, which get listed under your user name whenever you post. I made my first post and was put under "Doug Christie" classification. After I made a few more I got the "pretty whorey" moniker, which I assume means I only stop by for a quickie, violating some unwritten rule that I must spend X amount of my time and energy at the board. Anyways, whenever I do post there, the responses I get are more like an angry parent talking down to a troublesome child. Perish the thought that I would try to add to the conversation. When I posed the question of why the people there read his columns when they obviously hate his writing, I was flame- bombed as a "newbie" or "noob." I also made the unfathomable mistake of making a double post, which drew the ire and rage of nearly everyone reading. I think I got two pages of responses directing unspeakable hate towards me. It was like I was the kid who reminds the teacher that they forgot to assign homework. Angry or condescending responses are something you better get used to when working your way through the boards.

The message board, so to speak, that irks me the most is the comments section at Profootballtalk.com. It's really a glorified blog posing as a legitimate news source run by Mike Florio. When I first found the site, I really liked it and checked it often. It was something new and fresh when compared to the more corporate ESPN website. But the more I read from the posters, the less I could stomach the site. If you read through the comments section, you can find the usual chatter from the holier than thou regulars, along with their undying hatred of the Patriots, Tom Brady, and Bill Belichick. I can understand the hatred, as successful as the Patriots have been, but it seems to border on obsession. To his credit, Florio baits them with a story and the ill will immediately starts. They exhalted with glee when Brady went down with an ACL injury last year and knighted the man who injured him. They called out Belichick as a cheat and a rat who does whatever he pleases after an April Fools joke that he had released the Patriots upcoming schedule early. I hate the Yankees, Steelers, and Alex Rodriguez, but I never found it appealing to go to a message board and rip them incessantly. Before you call me a Boston homer who's crying about guys ragging on my teams, know they also found reason to joke about and make fun of the football players who lost their lives in the boating tragedy off the Florida coast earlier this year.

So what can you expect when you foray into the world of sports message boards?

Expect a cold shoulder. Watch guys expend entirely too much energy trashing a successful player. Look for the guy padding his resume with his post count before he sends it off to the local sports section. And by all means, expect hell, fire, and brimstone if you accidentally click send twice.

Food Pantheon

I am sure this is just the start of me stealing ideas from Bill Simmons, which will ultimately end as a copy cat anthology. But he's not reading, so on with it.
Without further ado, here is a list of my all time favorite things to ea
t, the Food Pantheon. It goes to show, until recently, just how unhealthy my eating habits used to be.

No. 5 Hot-Z Pizza with Black Olive and Pineapple
This was a favorite during the stretch where we would frequent Underground beneath the Columbia Hot-Z. I always thought their pizza was quite underrated. And I don't want to hear about some sloppy pie from the local Italian shop, this is a close second to the thin crusts I used to make when I worked at Dominos. Admittedly it was not the most popolar combo, but it had the perfect confluence of great tasting pizza, bland olives and fruity pineapple. As if I were the only human to ever try it, this was almost worth ordering just to see people look at me like I was an alien.

No. 4 Grand Central/Manhattan Bagel's Buffalo Chicken Sandwhich
Even when they forgot to leave off the coleslaw (which happened a little too often), this was and is the best version of the buffalo chicken sandwhich I have come across. Chicken, blue cheese dressing, crisp lettuce, and buffalo sauce on bagel, sesame seed or asiago roll. Nicely packed in a little box with a pickle wedge and your choice of macaroni salad, apple sauce, or chips. I love this sandwhich. I've had it for lunch at work more times than I really care to count. But in the interest of being thorough, I'd say it's a fair estimate to say that I had it every day for at least six months. And that is being very conservative. When you add that up, thats five days a week, 20 times a month for six months, at $6.50 a pop, totalling $780.00. That's only $120 less than what I was paying for my car during that stretch. And you wonder how they were able to make that expansion when they changed names to Grand Central.

No. 3 Green Chile Beef & Bean Burrito
Every weekend I'd leave the bar with a hearty appetite and stop at Turkey Hill to grab this killer masterpiece. With a whopping 670 calories, 26 grams of fat, and 1,870 mg of sodium, aside from eating rat poison, this might be the most unhealthy food you could ever eat. But when you add a grab bag of Salt N' Vinegar chips and a Mountain Dew to wash it all down, it's hard to find anything that better caps off a night of binge drinking.

No. 2 Tomato and Mayonaise Sandwhich
I've probably eaten more these than any other food in my life. Sliced tomato with mayonaise on white bread. And enough salt to de-ice a highway. I actually started off using Miracle Whip then switched to mayonaise. After my mom told me there were about three times as many calories in mayo, I tried switching back in an attempt to eat healthier. But much like trying to come back to Bud Light after going to Miller Lite, it just isn't the same. I easily ate 2-3 of these a day during summer breaks back in high school.

No. 1 My Mother’s Home Made Noodles
My all time favorite food, made by my mother for as long as I can remember. As far as I can tell, it is just water mixed with flour, rolled into a noodle, and cooked in a pot with chicken broth. It looks like it’s a tremendous pain in the butt to make, and I guess that’s why she doesn’t make it as often as anymore. I usually only get it on my birthday these days, but it’s still good enough to rank number one in my all time favorite food pantheon. Even during that one year when my mother inexplicably thought that I liked it mixed with mashed potatoes.

Conspiracy Theory Pt. 1

I intended to write this on Saturday, which was the actual 45 th anniversary of the JFK assassination, but Hershey Park and Heineken got in the way, so here we are four days later.

I've never been that dedicated of a student, from grade school through most of college. I never really bothered to study anything or make a concerted effort to master most of the stuff I was taught. I liked history, even majored in it, but nothing outside of the 20th century ever interested me all that much. But if I were ever accused of being an expert on one thing, it would be the JFK assassination. I can remember finding a copy of the November 23rd, 1963 ed. of the Elwood City Ledger at my Grandmother's house and being hooked ever since. I've poured over every conspiracy theory, every book, every TV special, and every documentary over the years that I could probably make an impromptu presentation on the subject, replete with diagrams and the overhead projector slides that I still have from college.

At the outset I was a loyal conspiracy theorist. I ranged from believing, at the very least, Lee Harvey Oswald being one of the shooters and part of a grand plot, to Oswald being totally innocent. There were serious doubts that Oswald alone fired from the Book Depository behind Kennedy. Evidence seemed to suggest there was at least one shooter on the grassy knoll, perhaps even 2-3 more gunmen hidden throughout Dealy Plaza. There were too many funky inconsistencies in mind to justify one shooter.

The Warren Commission found that Oswald got off three shots from the Book Depository behind the President with an old rifle in about five seconds. Such a short window of opportunity to get off the unbelievably accurate shots. The so-called "Magic Bullet" that traveled through Kennedy's back and throat, through Texas Governor John Connally's back, chest, then through his wrist, and finally lodging into his left thigh. One bullet caused seven wounds through two men, and was found in Parkland Hospital in nearly "pristine" condition. The Warren Commission even had the nerve to publish test photos of bullets shot through goat cadavers that were almost totally smashed and flattened. Then the final fatal head shot, that saw Kennedy's head explode and snap violently back and to the left, which would indicate to most that the head shot came from the front and to the right--in the direction of the grassy knoll.

Afterwards, several witnesses said they heard more than three shots, and some may have come from directions away from Oswald's supposed Book Depository sniper's nest. If you look at film taken during the assassination you can see hoards of people running up the knoll, where they thought the shots had come from. Police officer Marion Baker, in his own estimation, came across Oswald in the second floor lunch room of the Book Depository a maximum of 90 seconds after the final shot was fired. He confirmed Oswald was an employee and proceeded further into the building. Baker said Oswald did not show any signs of nervousness or apprehension, which is odd considering he has shot the most powerfull man on the planet, run down four flights of stairs, and directly into a cop, all within a minute and a half. It was said Oswald then left the building and took a bus home to grab his jacket and revolver. Oswald would then proceed to shoot Dallas police officer J.D. Tippet on his way to sneaking into a movie theatre, where he would be later caught and arrested. While in custody, Oswald would profess his innocence in the Kennedy and Tippet murders, all the while calling himself a "patsy," furthering the notion that he was the fall guy left to take the rap for a larger faction.

None of the ballistic evidence made any sense. None of Oswald's actions made any sense. The prevailing thought amongst non-believers was that, even if there was no conspiracy in place, the Warren Commission settled on the scenario that Oswald did the shooting alone from the Book Depository at the begginning and their investigation ignored any evidence that pointed elswhere. That belief put a serious cloud over the quality and legitimacy of the official investigation and its finding that Oswald was the sole gunman. And once you have trouble believing the investigation was done in good faith, it's not a big jump to think they had other motives in mind. Especially when Oswald ends up being shot and killed—while in police custody—by Dallas nightclub owner Jack Ruby, a man considered to be at least a low-level gangster and at best having high-ranking mob ties. It is argued by conspiracy theorists that Ruby silenced Oswald before he could tell the police of his role in a larger plot.

I've read nearly every conpiracy minded book possible. Their objections range from questions regarding Oswald's ability to get three shots off in the time frame allowed, the near impossibility of the Magic Bullet causing seven wounds in Kennedy and Connally and ending up virtually undamaged, to Oswald's activities while living in Russia and being a professed Communist.

If not Oswald then, who else would have a vested interest in removing Kennedy from office? The list of suggested conspirators are long and varied:

-Mobsters, angry with the Kennedy administration for waging war against organized crime, including interfering in Mafia-controlled gambling industries in Cuba
-Fidel Castro, angry that the US had helped anti-Castro Cuban exiles try to invade Cuba and for US plots to assassinate him
-Anti-Castro Cubans, angry that Kennedy had decided at the last second to not provide air cover during the Bay of Pigs invasion
-Renegade elements in the CIA and Armed Forces, angry at Kennedy for stripping the CIA of the majority of it's powers after the Bay of Pigs incident and for his unwillingness to escalate US involvement in Vietnam, respectively
-Business interests like Bell Helicopter, who stood to lose billions of dollars if the US were to not persue heavier involvement in Vietnam

With motives so closely tied to one another, it's easy to see how they can fuel ideas of grand collaboration and wide reaching conspiracy with several or all of the above listed groups. And all of which Oswald may or may not have been connected with. At different points of his life, he has been tied to pro-Castro and anti-Castro causes. He served in the Army and may or may not have been working with the CIA at the time of the assassination, something many theorists believe. While living in Texas, Oswald socialized with engineers from Bell Helicopter.
But if there is one work that is the flag bearer for conspiracy theory thought, it is surely Oliver Stone's 1991 film JFK. The movie is a big screen send up of the investigation of Jim Garrison into Oswald's dealings in New Orleans, LA in the year or so prior to the assassination, but also incorporates most every other theory (except those involving Chuck Norris) that has been thrown out. The movie follows Oswald's involvement with the aforementioned pro- and anti- Castro Cubans, Mafia, big business interests, and shadowy CIA and military figures as he is recruited as the scapegoat for the murder of the President. As a pro-conspiracy buff, it's the ultimate example you could show someone in hopes of drawing them to your side of the fence and works quite well for those who get their history from the movies and TV. It's unfortunate that the majority of the facts in the movie are fudged or outright incorrect, but it's a great piece of film-work, regardless.

But for every one plausible theory, there are three to four that eclipse it in sheer outrageousness. I have come across several books and videos over the years with such ludicrous stories like these:

-The Texas bounty hunter who taught Ruby and Oswald to use rifles and was persuaded by Lyndon Johnson to keep the story quiet during a skinny dip
-The Parkland Hospital doctor who got a phone call from Johnson in the ER, asking him to keep any medical evidence that might indicate a shot from the front to himself
-The shadowy intelligence agent who recruited Oswald to fake an assassination attempt on Kennedy to get the President to increase security measures. Then actually shot the President himself in order to pin it on Oswald.

Presented with the above information (minus the more silly theories), it might be enough to convince you that there was a conspiracy, or at least make you hesistant to deny the possibility. So I became an adamant believer of Oswald's innocence. The chances of the Magic Bullet causing seven wounds was a little too hard to believe. The backwards head snap seemed to prove the fatal shot came from the front not the back. I had trouble buying that Oswald was able to shoot the President and then race down four floors of stairs and run into a police office and not just freak out a little. Tests taken on his hands failed to show that he had fired a weapon. Initially, police were unable to find fingerprints on his gun. It seemed to leave at least some reasonable doubt that he might not have even fired a gun. When you throw in the Mob/Ruby, CIA, Bell Helicopter, and Castro connections, it seems like the perfect storm for a conspiracy.

So why now, after so many years of believing in conspiracy, do I think Oswald did the entire shooting by himself with no collaboration?...coming in part 2.

Paradise Lost or the 2008 New England Patriots

Earlier this year, after the Patriots had defeated the Chargers in the AFC Championship game, I was quite elated. The Patriots were 18-0 and looked to have lucked out by getting the NY Giants in the Super Bowl.

That was nine months ago, and it might as have been nine years ago. In their next two games, they blew the Super Bowl with a stunning loss to the Giants and then lost Tom Brady for the season with a disasterous ACL injury in this year's season opener.

How the mighty have fallen. The days of last fall where they had 49 points at half time against Miami, or at one point led the RedSkins 52-0, are long gone.

The loss of Brady, more than anything, has magnified how bad the defense and offensive line have become. Last year, those two units were showing signs of slipping, but when you had Tom Brady throwing 50 touchdowns it was a little easy to gloss over. How bad could the defense be when they were winning games by 49 points? How much of a sieve could the offensive line be when Brady was zinging passes to Wes Welker across the slot or fifty yards downfield to Randy Moss?

With a defensive front that, on paper, would appear to the best three man unit in the NFL, they cannot even put up a facade of a pass rush. Their corners are beatable from play to play. With an offensive line that sent three players to last years Pro Bowl, they can't provide any sort of run blocking.

The bigger problem is Matt Cassel as Brady's replacement. What's killing the offense, more than his inability to hit a receiver in stride, or his ability to throw passes directly into defender's hands, or his rampant over and under throwing, is the coaching staff's complete lack of confidence in allowing Cassel to throw the ball downfield. Last year the Patriots set any number of offensive records by slinging the ball deep to Randy Moss. This year with Cassel, they have successfully thrown deep to Moss once, a 66 yard touchdown to Moss against the meager 49ers. The other handfull of times they have allowed him to try, he has grossly underthrown or overthrown Moss. He also has shown a proficiency at holding on to the ball entirely too long, leading to sacks, fumbles, and spending an inordinate amount of time running for his life. All coming from a guy, who seemed destined to be cut after a putrid preseason.

Now, with Cassel at quarterback, the offense has become totally inept. Laurence Maroney couldn't find a hole to run through with global positioning device. Not that he can stay healthy for two weeks in a row anyway. Wes Welker has come down to earth after catching more than 100 balls last year. Moss has been relegated to running routes with no real zeal because he has no real expectation that the ball can make it to him.

The normally wise Gary Constein would tell me that no one player makes a team. That there are 22 guys out there to decide a game, win or lose. But with the loss of one player, the Patriots have proverbally gone from a silk purse to a sow's ear.

Current Mood: Well, the Red Sox better win tomorrow.
Current TV: Chargers 30, Patriots 3

Trying Not to Waste My Vacation

I cashed in my vacation at work and I am off for 11 days. That I was able to score the vacation at all was a minor miracle. But the bigger challenge is going to be for me to use the time wisely.

I originally had planned to go to Florida. But when I moved into the apartment, that was no longer financially possible. I haven't been on a real vacation since I went to Canada in 2000. So with no real plans, I am going to be around town for nearly a week and a half. I'm hoping to get a new job in the near future, so I figured it would be alot easier to get it all out of the way sooner than later.

That's not to say I have nothing to do. I have my TGI Fridays fantasy football draft and College Boy's annual Labor Day picnic on Sunday. I was hoping to try a little pitch n putt and my birthday is on Saturday. The NFL also starts up next weekend, so there is a chance of having some actual fun. I could also use the time to rest up my aching body.

The thing is, I'm not getting any younger. I always get the feeling that I'm wasting my golden years. So, I am kind of counting on having some great memories in the next 11 days. In reality, I just hope I don't end up stuck in the house, watching TV and annoying girls on Myspace the entire time.


DAY ONE - Saturday August 30th, 2008

I woke up with a slight hangover after having a few beers at the Fairview Tavern Friday night. Nothing major, I was able to wake up at a reasonable hour and have coffee and an english muffin. From there, I finished my game of College Football's National Championship on *Sega Genesis*.

Later in the afternoon, I watched a good portion of a Coach marathon that ran all day. It's kind of hokey, one of the games they were playing in was called the Pop Corn Bowl. Overall not a bad show, though. The thing about Coach is, what in the world happened to the people on that show? I can't remember anything from Craig T. Nelson or the guy who played Luther. After checking the internet, I did find that the tall guy who played the moron Dauber is actually the voice of Patrick on SpongeBob Square Pants. That's fairly interesting, but I'm sure that anyone who knows him as Patrick has no clue who Dauber is, and anyone who knows him from Coach has never seen SpongeBob. It works for nostalgia purposes I guess.

By evening, I had hit the proverbial wall. Although you could probably say that I already hit it head on, right before watching 3 hours of the Coach marathon. I spent the majority of the evening on the internet before watching the Red Sox - White Sox game on WGN. I soon tired of that and went grocery shopping.

Let's take a moment here. I'm still pretty young, in age, if not particularly feeling it. I like to have fun, I like to hang out. I spent a Saturday night in the prime of my life...grocery shopping. I'm 27 right? Did I wake up after a 30 year nap and not realize it? I looked around and the only people in Redner's were senior citizens. Next thing you know, i'll be playing Bingo with Aunt Shirley and Grandma Granny.

It was kind of a downer, but in retrospect the likely alternative was probably going out to the bar . I've sort of mellowed out on going to the bar in my older years. I've come to realize that it's a giant waste of money and ultimately a hazard to your health, in several more ways than one.
So, it's safe to say that I am not off to a good start. Tomorrow looks to be better. Fantasy drafts are usually a lot of fun and College Boy's cook outs always seem to offer up something memorable. I hope.


DAY TWO - Sunday August 31st, 2008

We had our annual TGI Fridays fantasy football draft at Annie Bailey's in downtown Lancaster. AB's is one of those old style designed Irish Pubs. It's a nice place and it looks real old. It's also one of those places that screams, "We're Irish!" which follows the trend these days of people getting on their high horse and drinking Guiness like maniacs. Which isn't a bad thing, but I didn't see anyone waving their Ireland flag until it became en vouge.

I picked up Brad at his place and we met up with the old gang. I was surprised that there was none of the old hostility with Blymeir and Eric or myself. We never got along all that well. Shane was his usual hilarious self and Brad was at the very least on marajuana, if not a combination of that and a few other things. Anyway, my team looks decidedly average. Should be good for 7-10 wins and a playoff spot, so I'll be happy, I think. I've got alot of depth. Of course, my centerpiece is Thomas Brady. He alone should get me three wins.

Afterwards, we ventured over to College Boy's Labor Day cook out, where there is usually something to remember. Like the one time Kyle danced with his pants and underwear at his ankles, or when Josh and he smashed their heads together, or when they tricked me into wearing a woman's bathing suit. There was nothing like that this time, but it was fun. It's funny, when we go to these things there is always a divide, where Kate's family is on one side and Kyle's family and me are on the other. I don't blame them, I think they are a little put off by the beer, cigarettes, and sports arguments. Even more so, by the Royal Rumble that we had in the yard last time. We were giving each other leg drops and clotheslines and we were drilling each other with lawn chairs.

I did get into my contractually obligated sports and politics arguments with Gary Constein. I informed him that Manny Ramirez sucks, Tom Brady is the greatest quarterback of all time, both the Red Sox and Patriots are winning championships this year, and that the National League should be renamed AAAA Baseball. I also argued that President Bush is not a bad president, and Barrack Obama doesn't have a magic wand that is going to change gas prices, and that the world is a better place without Saddam Hussein in power. I don't think I changed his mind on anything, and he did call me an asshole afterwards, but it was fun, if not entertaining for anyone listening.

We ended up drinking a lot of Molson Canadian (i'll never learn), making fun of each other (always a blast), and playing horeshoes (???). Overall it was a lot of fun, even if the volleyball net was broken and we didn't even try to rig it back up. Eventually I was the last one left. Mark called and said there was an End of the Summer Party at Trio.

So after all that, I went down to the Trio (not a very good decision) to see what the party would look like. I tried to wade my way through the hoard of people on the deck, until I realized that I knew absolutely no one and decided to go back to the bar. I had a beer there and chatted with Amanda and Kelley for a while, then decided to have a shot of tequila. I really never learn. I took that and decided to go back to the deck to see if anyone that I actually knew had shown up. One the way, I happened upon a table of food that I guess the bar or the organizer of the party had laid out for everyone. At least I hope it was for everyone, because I had about 10 of the steak, mushroom, green pepper, and onion shishkabobs. They were delicious and I devoured them, even if the people who walked by looked at me like I was a lion eating a raw gazelle. A few of the looks were a little too condescending and the tequilla was starting to set in, so I figured it was a good time to get home.

I did get home fine and dandy, but I have little memory of the rest of the evening. On the upside, a quick check of MySpace and Facebook showed that I didn't leave any potentially embarrassing comments to any girls, but on the downside, I have at the very least a sprained foot, which ultimately could be a broken fourth toe. Don't know what happened there.

We'll call day two a success, if only because it was a hell of a lot better than Saturday.


DAY THREE - Monday September 1st, 2008

Needless to say, after last night's transgressions, Monday ended up being a rest day. Other than doing laundry, which was way overdue, not a lot went down.

I woke up with quite a hangover. Dragged myself to the kitchen for a little breakfast, then began the always nervous search to make sure I didn't lose my cell phone, keys, contacts, or wallet. Luckily everything was safe and sound.

There was nothing to watch on television, for which there is little excuse. Any time someone has off for a holiday, there should be back to back to back awesome movies on TV. But there was nothing of note, so as I feared, I spent a good part of the day on the internet.

After a long nap, I went over to my parents house, for their "cookout." Which was okay, only if you didn't mind that all the food was cooked five hours beforehand. And since I felt like shit the whole day anyway, it didn't take very well regardless. My Aunt Joyce was over with her beau, but I didn't see her all that much, because the sunlight was affecting me like it would a vampire. Going did allow me to have this exchange with my three year old neice, Tianna:

Tianna: My shirt has a red butterfly and a blue butterfly...
Me: That's pretty, where did you get it?
Tianna: I got this t shirt at Ocean City, Maryland
Me: Oh yeah, what's down there? (thinking beach, boardwalk)
Tianna: T shirts.

Maybe you had to be there, but her response was dead pan, like, "haven't you been paying attention!?"

I felt a little better after taking a shower and was able to relax the rest of the night. Got to watch the Red Sox beat the Orioles and chilled out. Overall, i'd liken Monday to Brady going 17-30, 178 yards passing, 1 TD and a fumble. Economical. I was going to have today paid off anyway, so I'm content.


DAY FOUR - Tuesday September 2nd, 2008

Well, it was bound to happen. A day where nothing was accomplished. A boring, lazy day where no memories were created.

I woke up early and had breakfast as usual. Then I watched Sportscenter and checked out Patriots and Red Sox news on the Boston Globe website.

Later, I went to Turkey Hill to pick up a copy of the USA Today. Came home, had a roast beef sandwhich and watched 4-6 episodes of Married...With Children on You Tube.

After waking from another nap, I figured I didn't want the day to be a total waste, so I went out to Ollie's Bargain Outlet and Borders to see if there were any books available that I could mow through over vacation. If you've ever been to Ollie's book section, you'd know that, while the prices are hard to beat, the book selection is for shit. There was nothing there, unless you fancied Faithfull from horror master Stephen King and nameless hack Stewart O'Nan on audio cassestte. Border's had the bigger selection of quality books, but lacked the cheap price tag that I was looking for.

Anyways, while I was at Ollie's, Fries called from Trio and asked me to come out. I went out for a handfull of beers, where we discussed taxes, Presidental candidates, and sports. We took the party home and tried to play Sega Genesis while drunk, which didn't work out all that well. Fries ended up running to the bathroom in the middle of it all to yak, so it was a nice capper to the evening.

So, we'll call day four a total wash.


DAY FIVE - Wednesday September 3rd, 2008

Today meant getting rid of another slight hangover. I woke up, made breakfast, and listened to Colin Cowherd's radio show for a bit. Loafed around, watched an episode of Jeopardy that had Ken Jennings. He demolished the two ladies playing with him. I missed final Jeopardy, but one lady was in the negatives, one lady had $4,000, and Ken had $40,000.

I always wonder how I'd do on the show. I surprised the hell out of my parents when I was five and got the Final Jeopardy answer correct. Somehow I knew it was The Monkees. My dad and I used to bet five dollars on Final Jeopardy all the time, and there was an incident after I actually beat him for once. I can't remember what the answer was, but it was hard and I made a good guess. We handed our slips to my Mom, and when it turned out that I had won, my Dad got pissed and accused me of watching the episode when it played an hour earlier. I don't even think he gave me the money.

Later on, the Red Sox had a day game against Baltimore. I always liked day games when I had a day off. Always seemed like a bonus. The Sox were lethargic for about seven innings, losing 4-0. They got two in the 7th, two in the eighth, and scored the winning run on a wild throw to third in the 9th. One of those great come back wins late in the year that help momentum wise moving towards the playoffs. They are really hitting well since the Manny trade and Beckett is coming back Friday, so I am fully confident that they are winning the World Series again. Happy times in Title Town, USA.

After all that, I went to another soft ball practice for the work team. I thought I felt horrible after the first two practices. I felt like hell about 2 minutes into the practice today. I think it might have been due to the drinking from the night before, followed by not really eating anything before going, but I was running around like Andre Dawson circa 1993 today. I think it will turn around if I actually stretch beforehand next time.

In any case, it was fun going out and playing and the Red Sox game was fun, so today worked out fine. Tomorrow should involve some pitch n putt golf, so that's something to look forward to.


DAY SIX - Thursday September 4th, 2008

Unfortunately, these 11 days of vacation seem to be flying by. Only five days left after today. And I still haven't done anything all that great. But, it was pointed out to me that its 1000x times better than actually working, so I should count my blessings.

I woke up bright and early this morning to play pitch n putt with College Boy over at Ever Green. Now, it was fun and I enjoyed myself, but I am horrible at golf. Absolutely absymal. The main problem is that I cannot hit off of a tee. I hit more line drives, slices, and hooks it seemed than times I teed off. Any time that I line drived my way off the tee into a decent lie in the "fairway" I managed to screw it up by messing up the chip. Or I got a hold of it alright, but launched it 20 feet past the green. I had four 7's and about 10 6's. I didn't make less than two putts any time that I made the green, and I thought that putting would be the best part of my game.

But cleary the most interesting shot was my attempt at teeing off that missed, with no exaggeration, an 80 year old lady's face by mere inches. I put the ball on the tee, then tried to focus and keep my eye on the ball. I swung, and the ball immediately sliced (or hooked--whichever it is when it goes right). As soon as I could locate the ball, I saw it heading for the woman, who was bending over to pick up her own ball. I saw it going towards her, but I couldn't seem to yell "watch out!" College Boy got a "fore!" out just in time that she was able to look up, see it heading for her face, and artfully dodge it by about six inches.

After it flew by her, and I saw her "did you try that on purpose, because no one can be that bad?" look, I turned to Kyle for a little "it happens to the best of us" assurance. But Kyle was crouched down, shaking his head with his face in his hands. Add that disaster to the fact that I ended up a whopping 54 strokes over par (when no hole is over a par three), and it made for a thoroughly embarassing morning. But like I said, it was fun.

So that was my morning. The evening brought the begginning of the new NFL season. Even if it was the Giants playing the Red Skins. I have to wait for Sunday to see the Patriots first game, but tonight also brought the start of a new Fantasy Football year. I nearly forgot how fun and maddening it can be at the same time. It also gives you a reason to care about games or players you wouldn't give a damn about under any other circumstances. Like Plexico Burress. The same wide receiver that caught the game winning touchdown in the Super Bowl against the Patriots. He's on my team, and I was rooting for the Giants to get the ball back at the end, that they might throw one more ball to him. That's the beauty of fantasy football, if I didn't play, I'd be pulling for him to dislocate both of knee caps.

Add up the golf and fantasy football, multiply it by one million since I wasn't stuck at my desk, trying to figure out how I'd get through the day, and it was a great day. I'm going to savor every second until Wednesday at 8am.


DAY SEVEN - Friday September 5th, 2008

Pedestrian. I took pleasure in doing nothing.

I woke up early and tried to make breakfast. Tried. For a lifelong bachelor like myself, it was no easy task. I figured I would have some OJ, coffee, eggs, and bacon. Easier said than done.

To start, the bacon was frozen. I don't know if you ever tried, but pulling apart frozen bacon is no easy task. I ended up breaking apart twenty or so peices and frying them up. At the same time, I tried to start my scrambled eggs. While I was waiting for the bacon to sizzle, I neglected my eggs. They ended up frying like an omlette. I tried to save them, but I ended up with your usual runny eggs omlettle. I had hoped to enjoy some coffee with my breakfast, but as I tried to save the eggs, that went by the wayside. While tending to the eggs, I neglected the bacon.
So I sat down to my laptop, reading about the Pats and Sox on the Globe website, with runny, gross eggs and my burnt bacon.

Now, I cannot forsee having a girl over for the night anywhere in the near future, but if it ever happens and they expect a decent breakfast the next morning, I am going to need a lot of practice.

I got my paycheck from TFP and relaxed for a little at home. Later, I went to the Scare-View for a few drinks. I passed the time playing Mega-Touch, the ultimate waste of money at any bar.

I made it home and regretted ever leaving.


DAY EIGHT - Saturday September 6th, 2008

The birthday. Twenty-eight years old, with emphasis on old. For the most part I like my birthday. I'm a history guy, so dates and anniversaries are interesting and important to me. But another year older? Before I know it, I am going to be thirty. That's no offense to anyone who's thirty or fifty, but to me it's crazy. Perhaps I feel that I've had 28 years to accomplish things and they haven't happened yet. It's already been ten years since I finished high school. As fast as that decade has come to pass, the next ten will come and go and I'll be nearing 40! Maybe it's a good thing that I realize we only have so many years on this planet and you shouldn't take them for granted. Heh, with age comes wisdom.

I woke up Saturday morning regretting my stop at the Scare-View from the night before. I hung around, basically doing nothing for the first half of the day. I was pretty bored, so I set up another season of Madden '08 to coincide with the new NFL season. That's always a pain in the ass, trying to set the rosters, creating rookies, and getting everything perfect. I got the Patriots roster set and went through the training camp and preseason stages. After the last preseason game, I noticed that Matt Cassel, Tom Brady's backup quarterback, was injured with a broken tail bone and was out for the season (It's bad omens like those that should have put me on high alert for Sunday).

So I played a few games before heading over to my parents house for the regular family birthday deal. I got some gifts, including a three month supply of contact lenses, gift cards, and cash (the best kind of present). We did the Happy Birthday deal, which surprised me because Tianna knew all the words, and had cake and ice cream. Which I don't even really like. I never eat ice cream. There is so much sugar in both, that after eating, the glucose load makes me feel like shit for hours. Anyways, it was fun.

For the evening festivities, I went to Trio for some beers with College Boy, his parents, and Fries. I had a good time and I wasn't even forced to take wild cocktails of shots that would have killed me before 10 p.m. College Boy and I entertained ourselves with Ghostbusters quotes and the evil Mega-Touch machine. Gary brought his A Game of direct personal insults, and I wouldn't have expected, or asked for, anything less. Being my birthday, I was on the receiving end of two packs of cigarettes and three bags of sunflower seeds (?), but strangley no beers.
I left the Trio for home, watched some television and started gearing up for the start of football the next day, for which I had very high hopes.


DAY NINE - Sunday September 7th, 2008

Or, as it shall be henceforth know, The Day the Patriots Season Died.

I woke up early, ready for football season. I was quite excited; made some breakfast and got the lap top out to read over any Patriots news and fine tune my fantasy teams. I played a game of Madden to further get me in the mood for the Patriots Chiefs game at One.

The only games on at home were an appalling Eagles-Rams game and a nauseating Steelers-Texans matchup, so Fries and I left for the Trio since they have the NFL Ticket. I got there and was surprised at the lack of Patriots haters. Last year, it was nearly unbearable.

So, the game was going along somewhat fine, even if Wes Welker fumbled the ball and the Patriots ended up having to punt. The defense looked good; they were not allowing Kansas City to run the ball and forced a punt.

The Patriots got the ball back and everything came crashing down. Brady dropped back to pass and launched a pass that Randy Moss came back to snag. As the camera was panning left to follow the flight of the ball, I saw Brady get nailed low on the knees. Moss ended up fumbling the ball, which the camera focused on, but I didn't like the look of the hit. While they settled who had recovered the fumble, Dan Deirdorf was yelling that Brady was down. When they finally panned back to him, he was curled up, clutching his knee.

As a Pats fan, it was about the worst possible thing that could happen. They are/were Super Bowl favorites, due in part to them having a lot of talent on both sides of the ball. But without Tom Brady, the chances of them winning the championship seem all but lost. Guys like Gary will say it's just one player and one player doesn't win a championship. But when that one player is Tom Brady (who I'll argue is the greatest QB of all time and the best player in the league), its enough to end my hopes. It appears to be a torn ACL and he's going to miss the rest of the season.

So that leaves the Pats with Matt Cassel. The same guy who was horrendous in preseason and who I can't believe wasn't cut before the season started. Tom Brady threw more touchdown passes last year alone, than Cassel has completed passes in college AND pro combined.

With that said, he didn't look all that bad. He started the first drive on his own 1 yard line and moved the offense down the field 99 yards for a TD to Moss. He's got a lot of talent to work with on offense, and he knows the system, and yeah, I'm trying to talk myself into the Matt Cassel Era in New England. Word is that they are bringing in Chris Simms for a work out, and if he has anywhere near the talent his dad did, I'd probably rather see him lead the offense.

As you might guess, the rest of the day didn't go all that swell. The Patriots did win, but I was pretty shell-shocked about Brady for the remainder of the day. Saving Private Ryan was on TNT, which got my mind off football for a good bit and I was able to watch The Honeymooners later in the evening. You gotta love Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton. Classic TV, Ralphie boy!
Two days left. Monday is the first softball game, so I should be back with a whole new rash of injuries to complain about. Tuesday I am going to be the laziest ass possible.


DAY TEN - Monday September 8th, 2008

Second to last day, no need to do anything crazy. Went grocery shopping in the afternoon. I used the gift card I got for my birthday, so I was able to spurge a little. I got the good chicken nuggets this week. With a little BBQ and honey mustard, that's good eating. I'm still afraid/incapable of cooking any real food beyond rice or rigatoni, so for the most part I stuck to the mircowavable stuff.

Later in the afternoon, I watched approximately my 30th and 31st episodes of Married...With Children on You Tube.

Beyond actual computers and the internet themselves, You Tube is the greatest invention of all time. Anything you want is on You Tube. From episodes of The Honeymooners to Aaron Bailey almost catching the hail mary against Pittsburgh in the '95 AFC Championship Game (and by God, if only he had caught it, that day would easily be in my top ten favorite days of all time). Anything you want. I actually watched a film they made of the electrocution of the guy who killed President McKinnley, that was made in 1901!

Evening brought our first game in the work softball league. I played first base, which isn't my favorite position, even if it likely meant the least movement of anyone on the field. I was a little worried about covering the bag on ground balls.

But, boy, were those fears uneccessary. Because every hit seemed to be smashed over my head into the outfield. They crushed balls into every gap, over the outfielders heads, and seemingly any other spot where our fielders were not. I only had about two or three times where I had to actually play first, which if you're scoring at home, doesn't bode well for the team. That's right, the return of the old Ten Run Rule. I think it was after five innings, which was at least a little better than our team the first year we played. Also returning, was my patented third strike foul out. I watched the first five pitches without swinging, "working" a 3-1 count. Then after a strike to make it 3-2, I naturally swung at a pitch that would have probably hit me in the knee if I had let it go.

But it's fun and exercise. I didn't pull anymore muscles either. We had a small cheering crowd from the store, which is nice, even it most of the cheering I heard was Mike making various sexual advances.

Finshed off day ten with the double header of Monday Night Football. Which I was surprising able to stomach, if only for fantasy purposes, after the Tom Brady incident the day before.


DAY ELEVEN - Tuesday September 9th, 2008

Winding down on the last day. I wasn't able to sleep in as I would have liked. So I got up early and moped around.

I didn't want to loaf around all day, so I forced myself to dress and made my first ever trip to a Dunkin' Donuts. I've been on a giant coffee kick lately and American Runs on Dunkin', so their's had to be good right?. I've also been trying to find a maple frosted donut since I had one at Krispy Kreme in Baltimore in 2005. So I left, even if it is quite a drive for coffee and a donut. I got there, and naturally, they were all out of maple donuts. Damn it. So i had the coffee and a vanilla iced donut. The donut was good, but the coffee left a little to desired. Good, but not spectacular. It's funny, the best coffee I've ever had is still the generic stuff they use at TGI Fridays.

I came home, listened to a little Cowherd, watched another couple of Married..With Childrens, and took a nap. Woke up when Fries came home and watched The Best of Will Ferell SNL DVD. That's always good for a laugh, even if it's mostly from watching JImmy Fallon crack up in half of the skits.

By evening, we were truly winding down. Watched a Ghostbusters 1 & 2 double shot, which was all the more funny after College Boy and I spent half of my birthday coming up with great quotes and laughing our asses off. Finished off the night watching Baseball Tonight and surfing the net. Vacation over, fun over. Back to work at 8am tomorrow.


RECAP

So did I waste my vacation? Did everything go well?
That's hard to say. After Monday's softball practice, my physical well being was a diaster. I hurt my shoulder, pulled all of my hamstrings and had about three groin pulls. Walking and getting out of bed took a lot of extra effort. Golf nearly became a disaster when I just missed hitting an old lady in the face with one of my tee shots. Disaster struck when Tom Brady tore his ACL and was lost for the year, simultaneously ruining the Patriots chances at the Super Bowl and my fantasy season, all in eight minutes. Our softball season started out disasterously, getting ten run ruled 15-1.

But as I type this, What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong is playing on AOL Radio. With that in the backdrop, how can I not be happy and/or satisfied? I was fortunate enough to get 11 days off, all paid. I didn't go to Florida, but I spent time with my friends, drank some beer, watched sports, played sports, argued sports and history with Gary at the picnic, watched tv, watched movies, slept in, had a fun birthday and didn't go blind, get paralyzed or die. I got to do everything I like to do and avoided everything I hate to do. I need to win the lottery, I could very easily get used to this. See you next year.

Poor Richard's Back

The That Fish Place softball team is back and I joined the team. I played for the first incarnation a few years back. Hopefully we'll have a better team than back then, when, in our first year we got 10 run ruled our first eight games. Seriously, we didn't get out of the 3rd inning until game nine.

We've had three practices, and three times I've gone home feeling all of 100 years old. My shoulder is like Jell-O. My quads, hamstrings, and back are killing me. I was catching for a bit during the first practice and it killed my knees. Afterwards, I tried to get up and my legs all but buckled. I must look like Evel Knievel any time I get out my chair at work anymore.
It's partially my fault. I haven't been all that physically active since we stopped playing hockey; it's been a few years since we had the team together. It's funny because that's probably the reason for half of my pain. I thought nothing of playing with pulled muscles or sprains, making them worse in the long run. I played games with the worst groin injury anyone has ever had. I mean it. It had to have been at least partially torn. I couldn't walk straight or even stand up to use the bathroom without tremendous pain. Walking up a set of stairs was a nightmare. As bad as that was, it wasn't the half of it. I severely sprained my left knee and both of my wrists and fell directly on both of my elbows without pads countless times. One time, I sprained my wrist, my hand, and suffered the worst bruised ass cheek that anyone would ever admit to--on the same play.

While I might jokingly refer to myself as the King of Work, I can assure you that I am the King of Sprained Ankles. I've turned the left and right so many times, that on occasion, I can almost sprain them again, walking on flat ground.
So, I've noticed it creeping up on me, but when the hell did I get so old? Alot of days I feel like an old man with various aches and pains. I've got grey hair for heaven's sake. I'm only 27! I guess I am paying for not taking care of myself the last couple of years. Everything adds up and takes a toll.

I'm hoping that playing on the team will get me back to a somewhat better physical condition. It might take 10 practices and 3 games before I stop waking up feeling like Jim Otto, but I think it will be fun. We look to have some good players, including actual living breathing girls--something largely missing first time around. I guess all I can hope for is avoiding another major groin injury followed by a trip to the 15 day disabled list. Because I'd really hate to interrupt normal bathroom procedure.

Current Mood: women suck
Current Music: ...Keith Urban, You'll Think of Me. Don't look at me, it came up on AOL Radio.
Can't Wait For: Getting through eight hours of work tomorrow and starting 11 days off!

The value and existence of turn signals

Without question, the most annoying, frustrating, nerve racking part of my life is driving my car. I have the grey hair to prove it. The staggering amount of horrible drivers on the road can make a peaceful Sunday drive through the country seem like a mission in Grand Theft Auto.

They'll give a license to anyone. Old people that drive too slow. Young kids who drive too fast. All you have to do is take a silly exam that asks you recognize what a stop sign looks like and your road ready. Proceed to the road test. If you're able to operate a car in a 15 foot area, where the only damagable objects are orange barrels and a few rusty shopping carts, you are ready to hit the highway, where the only damagable objects are telephone poles and my spinal cord.

The first thing my dad told me when teaching me to drive was to use my turn signal. Nothing pissed him off more and, in turn, nothing pisses me off more. Maybe the least difficult thing you can do, simply extend a finger and flick the lever. A simple hint for the guy coming up behind you. It says, "Hey I'm making a right here, don't try to swing around or you'll broadside me!" But so few people actually use them, you end up playing the guessing game. If you think i'm letting you out without signaling you are mistaken.

It's not just car drivers you have to worry about; bike riders can cause all sorts of trouble as well. Whether it's the Lance Armstrong wannabe or the extra from Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome on the chopper, they seem to think they own the road. And that's the trouble, they really do. Because they know you wouldn't dare get near them for fear of launching them off their bike like a botched Evel Knievel stunt. So the bicycler will ride on the road even when there's 6 feet of shoulder and Easy Rider will tail the corner of your bumper until it opens up enough that they can pass you on either side of the road or in extreme cases, the sidewalk.

There are several other minor things that can make my blood boil. Taking too long to make a turn. People who haven't learned how to merge onto the highway. Calculating your chances of beating a train because you're late for work. School buses.

It shouldn't be this bad; it takes effort to be a bad driver. Use your turn signal. Don't tailgate. Know the right of way. And let me know if you ever see a lady aware of her surroundings when she backs out of her spot at the Silver Spring Turkey Hill. That's on my Bucket List.

Weekend Update

-I was "recruited" by College Boy to play in a "home run derby" for breast cancer awareness at Clipper Magazine Stadium, the home of the Barnstormers. And boy was I bad. I scored the lowest on our team and I only noticed one guy who ranked lower than me. I probably should engage in a little more physical activity because I was gassed after about 7 swings. I wrenched by back pretty good by swinging as hard as I could. I also tore up my left hand from gripping the bar so hard. It was tough waiting for the pitching machine because I had trouble judging when the ball would come out. So I would see the guy drop the ball and half cock my swing before the ball came to me and had half swing behind the hit. I did get a few nice shots into left field but my prospects of ever being a professional baseball player were answered with a resounding no. Unless the pitcher would manage to hit me, walk me, or hang a knuckleball every at bat.

-Later Saturday night we went back and watched the Barnstormers play the Newark Bears. If the quality of baseball is a little suspect, they make up for it with a nice stadium. They were running a promotion where if former MLBer Ruben Mateo would strike out a bunch of people would win a frosty. I guess they knew what they were doing when they selected him. The first time he was up the fans started chanting FROS-TY and he responded by hitting a towering home run to left field. He added a double and another home run later in the game to send everyone home with no ice cream. I also continued my streak of never having a foul ball landing anywere close to me section. I'd let you know if the Barnstormers won or not, but we left in the 8th inning.

-I got to watch WALL-E Saturday as well. It's been a long time since i've seen a movie that good. I thought it might be a children's movie, but I was pleasantly surprised. It follows WALL-E in the distant future as he is left to clean up trash in an abandoned Earth. The humans have left Earth to live on a giant spaceship where comfort has become key. They are no longer dependent on themselves and rely on robots to every daily task for them, kind of becoming mindless drones. He meets, and falls in love with another robot named EVE, who is sent to Earth to find any signs of sustainable life. One thing leads to another and WALL-E follows EVE back to the spaceship and in the process teaches humans how to be human again. Kind of a robot Love Story.

And if that wasn't good enough, The Wizard of Oz is on TNT. Good times.

Beer and Other Hazards of Going Out to the Bar

I once heard a phrase that has stuck with me through the years. "Nothing good happens when you go out." I'm not sure where I picked it up; it may have been from the old wrestler Stan Hansen, it very well could have come from my mother. I have spent way too many of my formative years inside of a bar, so I might classify myself as some sort of expert on wasting one's life. In the last 7+ years I have realized certain things.

Like the quote says, nothing good happens when you go to the bar. All you are going to do is spend money that would be better spent elsewhere. It may seem like a blast at the time, but never are you going to wake up the next morning, feeling like there is a pick axe in your skull, thinking that was really worth spending $50. When I first turned 21, I would cash my paycheck on Friday afternoon and then shortly thereafter adjorn to Emerson's Pub with College Boy. I knew how exactly much money I could spend and still pay my bills. Despite being armed with this knowledge, before I knew it (around 1:22AM) I would be pulling out that next twenty that was part of the car payment to buy the next round of Rolling Rocks. I would put bills off for the next week(s) just to have another bottle of irresponsibility. Surely everyone has made that pledge, "I'll just have 2 or 3 and call it a night." But once the music hits, a fight breaks out, or someone quizzes you on the greatest quarterback of all time (it's Tom Brady and for the love of Christ I will not argue this), it all goes out the window. The booze hits and you realize that it's either hang out or go home and look at internet porn.

Going out to the bar with the people you work with is one of the bigger mistakes you can make. The problems you will run into are limitless. Someone is going to get drunk and rip into a coworker even though it's a lock that it will get back to them the very next work day. Two slammed coworkers, who under any other circumstances would never look at each other, are going to hook up. Someone is going to leave early and not pay their share of the tab. No one seems to realize that they all have to work within the same four walls. The following Monday those people are going to be embarrassed, pissed off, or worse, pregnant. Whatever the case, alot of people are going to be walking around with their heads down.

The very idea of picking up a girl at a bar is just plain nonsense. Maybe I am jaded because I hang out in bars in Lancaster County, but the pickings are slim. If you talk to a girl at the bar she most likely will fall into 3 categories: She wants either a cigarette or a drink; she's already drunk out of her mind; or she has a boyfriend and is oblivious to the notion that she might be leading a guy on. I've seen it happen a million times. Buying a drink for a girl is about one of the dumbest things you can ever do as a guy. It's never been proven to work. She'll take it, and alot more if you are willing but don't expect a phone number in return. You can read more about this type of behavior on page 947 of the book All Women, Until Proven Otherwise, Should be Considered Crazy at All Times. Granted, all men know these things, but once again as soon as the music hits and you get a few in you, all men become a little crazy as well. If you're lucky you will just run into a guy who is there to have a good time and not cause a ruckus. But odds are you won't run into many of them. The rest fall into 3 categories as well: The guy who drinks entirely too much and becomes a threat to fall into you, spill a drink on you or throw up on you; The guy who becomes Hulk Hogan after 12 beers and is a threat to punch your lights out based just on your favorite sports team ; or the guy who hits on your girlfriend when you are in the bathroom. Leaving your girlfriend alone in a bar is one of the dumbest things you can do as a guy. Basically if a guy walks into a bar with a hot girlfriend and is wearing a Tom Brady jersey he has become the biggest target in the room.

With these factors in mind, not to mention the various effects of receiving a DUI, it's a wonder anyone goes out to the bar. Sitting at home on a Saturday night watching 48 Hours Mystery might seem a little boring, but there's virtually no chance that someone is going to stop by your house, kiss your girlfriend, punch you in the face, and steal 40$ from your wallet all because you are a Patriots fan. On second thought, if you have any more questions i'll be at the Trio--I'm pretty sure College Boy knows where I live.

The roads less traveled, for a reason.

If you have ever lived or traveled through the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania you surely have thought to yourself, "Jesus the roads in this state sure do suck." With the amount of pot holes, misplaced manhole covers, construction and road kill, it's a wonder anyone gets to work in one peice.

You cannot drive to your nearest Turkey Hill without swerving around a dead animal of some sort. I lost count how many consecutive days I drove to work and saw a dead skunk lying on the side of the road. Last week I was on Druid Hill Lane/Road/Boulevard and saw a groundhog crawling along the road. I sort of chuckled to myself that there was a 1oo% chance of it being ran over. Next day, there it was, on it's back all four paws pointing up. Groundhogs, cats, rats, you name it. One day I saw a freaking 10 foot snake slithering across Marietta Avenue. Needless to say it got run over by about 4 cars; it's a pretty sick site watching a snake coiling and recoiling in agony. No one should have to see that. Sure, I live in a more country kind of setting, but the other day I was leaving work on Centerville Road-which is situated in a very industrialized area- and saw a dead raccoon. It's guts were hanging out and I swear there were 2 actual vultures picking at it's intestines. I nearly yakked right on the spot. The only thing I haven't seen lying on the road is a dead horse. But with the amount of Amish people living around here, it's only a matter of time.

If you drive in Pennsylvania, construction is simply a part of your life. Route 30, it seems, has been under construction since I moved here in April of 1989. Sure the stretch around Park City and Manheim Pike turned out nice, but once you move west, towards the sticks, the condition of the road deteriorates. The seams in the concrete rack your brain for a good 4 exits. The part of 30 heading towards York is giving me more headaches that I can handle. Forget for a moment that it's taking entirely too long, and that I just drove through it last month and saw no change or progress or workers, the real problem is the effect it is having on the rest of the roads in the area. Most drivers are avoiding 30 and taking regular roads to get to work. I never once had to wait more than 3 minutes to get out of my parents neighborhood. Now I can almost get through American Pie before I can pull out. Never did I have to wait through 3 green lights to get through the Stoney Battery intersection. I lived 4 miles from work and leaving 25 minutes early meant I was assured to be clocking in at 8:07.

Equally disconserting are the conditions of the actual roads. Which is pretty amazing considering the constant construction that is always going on. Pot holes are everywhere. Feeble attempts to fill the holes or patch the cracks might make for a quick fix, but long term it offers no solution. What drives me more nuts is the curious location of the manhole covers that dot every 1/100 of a mile anywhere you turn. Common sense might dictate that they are placed in the center of the lane, where they can provide access for whatever the hell they provide access to (has anyone ever seen a man go in to a man hole?), while not making the road a hazard to your shocks, suspension, wheel axles, tires or the shirt your were wearing that you just spilled coffee all over because you just had your car rocked. For some reason, the holes are located closer to the middle of the road, where if you are sober and are between the yellow, lines up perfectly with your 2 left tires. I like going to the Fairview Tavern, which is atop the hill on Prospect Road. If you have every driven that road, you would know that there are about 10 manholes along the way. I can't imagine why they would need intermitten access to the underground every 20 feet, but incase they do, the manholes are there! If you travel up the hill, you'll find that the road is very windey and is also very tight-mail boxes and drive ways give you very little room to manuever. So while you are driving, it's next to impossible to navigate around the 20 or so fox holes without risking a collision with a passing motorist in the opposite lane or one of the 30 mailboxes. So if I want to get to the Fairview, I better be prepared for approx. 40 thunks and a visit to Meineke in the not so distant future. Those familiar with the area might say I should take High Ridge Road up the hill, but that might be worst road in the Country, let alone in the state.

2007 World Series Champions, Boston Red Sox!

Haha.

The Red Sox won the World Series again tonight, for the 2nd time in 3 years. After they won in 2004, it was, and still is, absolutely bizarre that Red Sox and World Series Champs went together. And now, they won it again! We get another year where you can say, Defending World Champion Boston Red Sox. It's very hard to wrap my mind around that. It was another sweep! For the most part, no apprehension, no heart pounding nervousness. This time was a little better because you didn't have to hear about the Curse or 1918. Just winning a championship. David Ortiz, Manny, Curt and Wakefield were there, but new additions like Ellsbury, Pedroia, Lowell ( WS MVP), and Josh Beckett make this a different team from 2004 and i think i might enjoy this one a little more. Maybe because it happened today.

Fries and i returned to the scene of the crime and watched the game at the SpringHouse (now known as the Trio). Totally different from the last time we were there. In 2004, there was about 15 Red Sox fans and the bar was packed. They cancelled kareoke so we could crowd infront of the big screen. Tonight, there was about 15 people total, including the workers. Fries, Paige, Kelley, Mark Hess and I watched the game and celebrated afterwards. Fries amped up Dirty Water and Tessy. Thankfully, they let us stay past close to watch the game and the celebration.

I think i mentioned this here in 2004, but i cant help but look back when i used to listed to the Red Sox radio broadcasts when i was 15, 16 years old. I guess i'm proud to say i was Red Sox fan way back. From when we moved to Haverhill, MA and here to PA. I loved sitting in Dad's M&L Electric van in the summer of 1996 listening to the west coast road trips with a bowl of pretzels and a giant glass of iced tea at 12 in the morning. I'm pretty sure younger me would have loved to know that the Sox would win in '04 and unbelievably enough again in '07. I would like to go back and tell him that, and i'm sure that it would have suprised him and made him happy, even if he had to wait this long.

In other great Boston sports news, the Patriots embarassed the Redskins earlier today. It's really getting rediculous that they are giving ass kickings of the highest order week after week. They totally killed the Skins. Absoutely killed them. At one point, they were winnging 52-0! When does that ever happen in the NFL these days? Parity has pretty much taken over in sports. It doesnt mean that any team can win a championship or make the playoffs, but in the regular season, you can think that any team could theoretically win. Not this year. The Pats, with that chip on their shoulder are blowing the doors off every team. They average over 40 points, they average 15 points against. Tom Brady has thrown 30 TDs and 2 INTs. Can that even happen in Madden on rookie level? Next week could be the biggest regular season game ever with the 8-0 SuperPatriots vs. the Colts in the Revenge Game. That's one that Fries and I are probably going to have to watch in his basement, because i am going to be in no shape to watch that game in public. Then, as a reminder, the Jets loom in week 15. The Jets are 1-7 right now and have no passing game. They can't really run the ball and their defense is in shambles with Vilma out for the year. Mangini pissed Belichick off pretty fierce after blowing the whistle on SpyGate and the rest of the league is dealing with the aftermath right now. They may lose the Colts next week, but that Jets game could be the ugliest game in NFL history. If you think they have run up the score before, i dont think you've seen anything yet. I would look you right in the face and say 70 points and a 60+ point victory is not out of the question. I don't care what the line is, that is the gambling lock of the century.

Current Mood: Championship!
Current TV: ESPNEWS

And to all a good night!

1 to go...

Once again, the Red Sox are 1 win away from the World Series Championship. Granted, they have to win it, but it's so different from the first time in 2004.

Game 3 was a wild ride for a bit, but the Rockies can't handle that lineup for that long. The good guys rolled out to a 6 run lead before letting them back 6-5. They ended up smashing the Colorado pen for another 5 runs and won 10-5. Dice-K finally came through tonight, pitching a great game and even knocking in two runs. Ellsbury and DP came up huge and naturally Papelbon ended the night. Tomorrow night is going to be a doozy.

Current Mood: Could not be happier. And i really mean it.
Current TV: espnews

Glory Days in Boston

What a great time it is to be a Boston sports fan.

Last night was a banner night as the Red Sox finished off their 3 game demolition of the Cleveland Indians and the Patriots and Tom Brady, if it's possible, got even better.

The Red Sox came back from a 3-1 deficit outscoring Cleveland 30-5 since game four. After they crushed the Indians on Saturday, i predicted they would win by 5 easily. Fries wasn't so sure, and neither was I for the first six innings. But after some bone headed playing from Cleveland, they blew them away in the seventh and eighth. Matsuzaka at least earned some of the 100 million that he got this year. Only 5 innings, but he got out of a few jams and did alright overall. Okajima gave 2 good innings innings in relief before giving way to Paplebon in the 8th. Paps shut them down for 6 outs and if you watched him after the game, you can tell that he's guilty on counts in regard to being completely insane. His reaction when Crisp caught the final out was absolutely goofy and his appearance in the locker room with his tight little shorts and scuba goggles was off the page. So it's on to the World Series against the Colorado Rockies. ? Definatley not my dad's NL champs, but they'll do. Everyone seems to want to go with the upstart good guy story Rockies (even though its not translating to even respectable tv ratings), but i'm just going to say when the Red Sox win it, I hope its at Fenway.

Earlier the Patriots embarassed the Dullphins. Tom Brady threw 6 TDs and now has 27 TDs and 2 INTS on the year. That stat is gaudy. Just an absolute vein display of greatness. He's on pace for 61 TDs. Thats damn near Gretzkyesque. They led 42-9(!) at the half. Randy Moss caught two passes for touchdowns that should probably (for the sake of time, and space concerns) just be called uncatchable. The running up of the score continues and i hope they continue to show no mercy. Their offense is so totally so far beyond what any defense can comprehend at this point, i can't imagine their own defense playing anywhere near bad enough that their offense won't outscore the opposition for the win. Washington's next and then it's on to Indy for the Revenge Game.

Current Mood: tired
Current TV: Sportscenter

2 Game Sevens

The Boston RedSox won game 6 tonight to extend the 2007 ALCS to seven games. After the newest playoff hero Josh Beckett pitched his newest gem in game five, the Red Sox rolled back home and kicked the hell out of the Injuns 1o-3. With that young Cleveland team, who has had their best 2 pitchers come out and get lit up, i don't think they stand a chance tomorrow. I made 3 seperate bets that the Sox win by 5 runs. Now 1 of them wont be in town tomorrow, and the other was too drunk to remember, but i can't see them losing tomorrow. It's not like Jake Westbrook is going to set the RedSox down or anything, right? JD Drew hit a grand slam in the first inning....if that's not a sign that they are winning the World Series, i don't know what is. Just to be sure, i'm wearing the sleeveless adidas and the 1995 Red Sox tattered to hell shirt that i wore for the World Series winner. I just want to enjoy the Red Sox winning without the Curse, or the ALCS comeback hanging over everything.

The Patriots get the 0-6 Dolphins tomorrow. For the third time this year, the Pats are 16 point favorites and for the 7th week in a row they will cover. I cannot stress enough how much they are going to stick it to every team this year for all the shit they got for the shitty tape scandal. The Steelers are going to regret that they suggested that the SuperBowls were tainted and the Jets and Mangini are going to get the ass kicking of all ass kickings in the history of the NFL in week 15. This week, next week, then they get the Colts. I've been yelling 16-0, but it's a hard thing to do. The only game i really worry about is the Colts game, but if they get by that, there's no reason why dont have a great chance to do it.

All in all, i think it's going to be a great day for Boston tomorrow. The Bruins might even win.


Current Mood: Great, can't wait for Game 7!
Current Music: Paradise by the Dashboard Light, Meatloaf
Current TV: ESPNews

Everything is bigger in Texas

Ho ho ho....

It might have been dicey for about 40 mins, but our favorites finished off the Cowgirls in decided fashion. 48-27. 5-0 Dallas falls by 3 TDs. I saw it coming, even though Fries didnt. Thomas Brady threw 5 touchdowns and overall it was a rout. If this is the best the NFC can offer, the Super Bowl will be over when the AFC title game is over. Every week it gets better, every week they are dominate. This Pats team is all-world. This Pats team is all-millenia. This Pats team is all-time. Next week for the 6-0 Pats? The 0-6 Dullphins. Ho ho hoooo.

Current TV: Saints-Seahawks.....Jesus, sorry NBC.
Current Mood: Tickled pink.,