ELRR Graveyard

This blog is no longer active. It's pretty much just a bunch of drunken idiocy mixed with senseless ramblings. A more refined blog can be viewed at riraho.blogspot.com.

Thursday, January 29, 2004

The Legend of CollegeBoy

If you've ever wanted to know, here are some tales...

One night, College and I were driving around to all of the Turkey Hill's in the area. Mainly because we had spent all night drinking, but also to allow College to steal as much as possible from each mini-mart. So we get to the Landisville establishment, and there's a marginally hot looking girl at the counter. College decides he wants a kiss from this girl, but she is not as willing. So after many tries, and offers of my cash, she does not relent, and we take off for the next TH. We eventually return to the Landisville store and College starts in again. She again denies him, and says her boyfriend was not very appreciative and was on his way. So i'm just enjoying the experience, while CollegeBoy is still working it. At an arbitrary moment, or so i thought, College just ups and leaves. I'm left all alone as this dirty guy walks in with a length of metal friggin pipe in his hand, yelling "dont fuck with my girl." I see this as the opportune time for me to leave. Now to hear College tell the story-as he did to his brother Matt-who in turn told me, College threw a shoulder into the guy as he walked out and strode off to my car. In reality, College took at least 3 steps out of the pipe-swinger's way. As I reach my car, College is nowhere to be seen, until he emerges from behind a nearby garage, with my hockey stick in hand, yelling lets get the fuck out of here. A true College Instant Classic.

Denny's. There are truly too many CollegeBoy moments at the familiar late night eatery to properly give them justice, so i'll post a few of my favorites. The best was probably the time we had been drinking (common theme) and went to Denny's with Red and Braud. We needed to use the bathroom, so after being seated, we all made our way to the john. Red, and I make our way to the stall as Braud took the urinal, and seemingly leaving College to wait for one of us. I goto the last stall and find it locked, and not realizing it could possibly be in use, start shaking the door somewhat violently. A small "occupied" came from whatever unfortunate soul dropping a duece at the time. Red and I immediately die of laughter and make a run for the door. Almost...we are met with College finishing off a piss, on the baby change table. He slams it shut, and urine pours out of the hinge at the bottom. We finally make it to the table and die of laughter...Instant Hall of Fame. Any story involving us has to include CollegeBoy harrassing the help. Whether its giving his phone number, hitting on the male waiters, its usually a treat. Or the unfortunate incidents that keep him from the game, like A-Rod's mis-placed liner that caught him in the balls, or Tim Salmon stealing his centerfield spot for the then World Champ Angels, or tearing his ACL in BP right before he was set to take Mark McGwire's job as first baseman for St. Louis, or losing a roster spot because Peter Forsberg was jealous of his on-ice talent and threw his gear in the street.


Me: take off your hat...(hat removed)....your hair is filthy. Take a shower.
College: goolies.

Me: do you have any money.
(college takes a handfull of nickels and pennies from his pocket)
Me: you dirty asshole.
College: Goolies

Matt: im tired of your shit Kyle. You come home at 3 am, drunk, eating all of our food, waking me up, and being dirty. im tired of it.
College: Take a nap.

Current TV: Islanders vs. Bruins
Current CollegeBoy: goolies


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